21/08/2020
This date marks twenty-five years of my existence, though I feel older than that. A part of me has aged quite a bit from early periods of mental despair to excessive exposure from self-aware practices such as critical thinking and years of self-isolation. Going from one state to the other has tired my soul, though I'm young at heart. There's this voice within me, and it's becoming louder. If I listen, I write this. You have a voice too; though I don't mean the one vocalised through layers of conditioning and restrictions such as the domain of language, expressing some identity - I mean the unspeakable one. It's your higher-self communicating through your dreams, your love and intuition. Listening to mine enabled me to unearth what I've suppressed, enlightening the depths of my unconscious. I recommend you discover yours too; especially if you find yourself somewhere dark. Quiet your mind and explore the miraculous wonder you are.
Where to from here, I do not know; I don't think the world even knows. It's becoming weirder by the day. Although I've sought knowledge throughout my life, I continue to find no certainty in any truth besides the truth there is nothing to be certain of. Expansion of my consciousness seems to paradoxically imply a lack of awareness, as the more I realise - the less I know. This universe is vast. My monkey mind cannot fathom it. Every attempt has me reaching for more information as if what I assimilate involves more questions than answers. I intend to be here for long, but if not, for whatever reason - I'm not afraid of seeing it end. There was a time I desired it, death, but in actuality, I simply wished to be free. I wanted to liberate myself from this body and world, though further inquiry into this want led me to realise the 'I' and the reality it hallucinates does not genuinely exist, thus my liberation. Contradictory to my original intent, I became more in touch with my body and my surroundings. Life became beautiful again, like a heavenly melody as I felt to be the organic instrument in tune with the cosmic song. Now, I write you this, my words, my voice to the grand music that will play long after I’m gone.
