There's this place you may find yourself where it's almost impossible to escape. Everything seems to go against you as if the cosmos has this animosity towards your very existence. Like you shouldn't be alive and are forbidden from enjoying the sensations of living peacefully. Self-damaging habits develop as a consequence because ingrained within your psyche from repeated trauma and failure is a desire to annihilate all that comprises you. The outside help doesn't help much at all too. Neither does the medication reinforce the notion you're unstable, abnormal and unfit for any ordinary life which impacts your social engagements, sinking you further into solitary and losing any chance you had for love. Even if you have love, you know it's on the decline as you're losing touch with functioning as a healthy partner, let alone a rational human.
I was in that place once; blinds shut, doors locked, world blocked and vibing with death. Truthfully, I got out by going within. I made light of the unconscious, acknowledged an illusory self and realised my body was more of an expression of this grand mystery we're a part of than a prison I was doomed to suffer. It was the emergence of a self-truth, the only kind I feel to be real.