You're unsure of what is coming, so you don't know where you'll end up. You barely even know where you are now. Romantic love is beginning to seem like a con; overhyped by delusional poets because meeting that remarkable person just feels impossible. The space you're in right now is you and only you. Each day is repetitive, as is every face you see. Your reflection is something you loathe as it evokes everything you know you should confront but choose to avoid, which is understandable because knowing yourself is to destroy everything you thought yourself to be.
Worldly affairs are too much right now. The human game is so overbearing you can taste the dull, colourless thing that it is. You want to be settled somewhere in nature, in a small home, with books and music to accompany you until your final days. You often think of what it would be like to be dead; the state fascinates you. Sometimes you consider it; I know you do - but somewhere within there's a voice telling you otherwise. Not because of your morals or some belief or value or fear or whatever - no, it's because deep within the depths of your soul you question where else is there to be if not here? Yet here is indefinable. Where exactly are we? It's like we've been left behind, forgotten, neglected by a truth out of our cognitive reach. Therefore, spirituality intrigues you as a means to find answers. However, mainstream sources of information related to this area of interest involve some of the most lost people spreading ideas they've adopted for comfort; to feel self-important by being alternative. Navigating it will tear your analytical and shrewd mind apart as you see past the gimmicks. Consequently, spirituality is something you frequently venture alone. You sit in darkness, letting everything wash over you; the weight of your history drawing forth memories to pressure your mind as it deals with silence. I don't know where I'm heading with these words, or what made me write this. It's midnight where I am, and I guess I'm sourcing some insight for those who read this and relate to it to know that I understand you.